Post #20

This is my first time having a two post week since last year. Furthermore this will be the 4th post I've written this year total which represents a 60% decrease in post volume so far this year. I'll probably make up for it this summer maybe, who knows. I write today for simple reasons. I got an email this morning from the lead producer at KCOU asking me to do a promo for the upcoming Cold War Kids show which I happen to be going to. That got me thinking about how many awesome little things like that I've gotten to participate in. Over the course of my working life I have yet to have a job without a large silver lining. I have gotten to work with my two favorite dudes ever matt and nathan, worked stage crew for the Doobie Brothers and B.o.B., gotten neurological tests done for a project relating IQ with racist tendencies, taught someone all of college algebra in two days, done lead production on the radio ads for some of my favorite bands, and I currently get paid $20 plus 4 free meals a week to be a mystery shopper for mizzou.

What's up my dogs?

A majority of the time I have a motivation to write, some big idea or feeling that I want to transcribe as soon as possible for fear of losing it. Recently the problem has been small things that continue to linger and won't go away. A major one has been the lack of continuity. Everyday I wake up and it feels as if I have a blank slate, but not in the traditional positive sense. It isn't that I feel freedom from my past or anything, I have that normally, the new feeling is similar to having to relearn the context of my life throughout the day. I get an invite for lunch and instead of my reaction being "yes, lunch with friends sounds great" its been "oh yeah, food is something I need. Additionally, I do like the company of these people". The differences sound somewhat subtle but that is more-so due to poor articulation in my writing rather than the true reality of these feelings. All in all things appear the same to professors and friends but when it comes to time spent alone it can be somewhat unnerving. It's not that I don't enjoy things or that I'm not happy, its that when those phenomena happen I'm taken aback because I can't actively recollect how I feel about things until they occur. It is reminiscent of an issue I've run into throughout my life when it comes to relationships. I hate being alone, love flirting, love doing nice relationship-y things for the person, love having a release for the sexual tension, but I'm pretty convinced that I hate the fuck out of relationships(or at least the kind I've been in I guess). It doesn't have anything to do with my ex's either, it's all me. Yet, it takes me getting to know someone, asking them out, flirting, etc. then about 2-3 months of serious dating for me to remember that I don't like this very much. The similarities do not end at the effect either, the cause is also included. Much like my relationship woes coming from not being with the right person my difficulty in making myself happy comes from being limited in my choices of activity. I've written about my affinity for basketball as an anti-depressant many times in this space so I guess this will mark the first time I mention withdraw symptoms. I went to a doctor last friday and she concluded that I was suffering from the symptoms of a chronic stress fracture and should take a break from basketball and other sports until a prognosis is reached sometime next week. If she is correct then I have an estimated return in May. If the MRI doesn't show a fracture or it shows something worse then I might have to wait any longer. The issue is not the lack of sports or anything like that, the sport itself is merely a means to an end which is a big part of the reason I am not very good at it. However, it did fill a very unique hole in that it helped with my fitness, it was something completely separate from academia, it is something that I can do alone at pretty and at much any time of day, and it was my "red button" of sorts. Essentially it was my "thing", and mostly because I decided it would be. Much like a security blanket being worthwhile out of principle rather than any intrinsic value. In lieu of this I have been focussing more on school(to the tune of 5/5 A's). My previous issues with mizzou's level of education shine brighter than ever now that I have to spend more time dealing with them but I just keep telling myself to get over it and it seems to be working. It's never been that I don't like school or my course subjects, the problem has always been and continues to be that there is a concerning lack of difficulty in my courses. I have been goofing off at brady since 12:00 when I got out of my last class and I feel absolutely no guilt. I don't feel guilty because I have gotten A's on every single test I've taken this semester, I have all my assigned homework done already, and I am a chapter ahead in all of my books. It is only due to my single figure debit card  balance and single healthy leg that I am sitting here blogging instead of doing something more enjoyable. I barely remember what the first 3/4 of this post was even about so I'm sure it's great.

Cold War Kids- Skip the Charade

mp3 download on OOnly


skip the charades cold war kids mp3 download

It's been too long

Hey, I'm back again. The busyness of school has been keeping me down, as has a good bit of writers block. Unless my reader demographic has grown substantially all of you know that I ended my most recent relationship between the last post and this one. That is partially where the writers block came from, I easily get an idea "caught" in my head and usually I write it out but there are certain topics I don't feel like writing about so I have to wait until they go away to write about something else. Breakups are a topic I don't see the point in writing about, at best they reflect a bit of nostalgia while also communicating what you see as the difference between being single or being with someone while in the wake of the transition and when the feelings are still vivid. At worst you make a post with an over/under of 3.5 cringes per paragraph and you emasculate yourself to potential future partners reading the post. The other reason I didn't feel compelled to write about this one is because it felt like a flash in the pan, there were good times, and then I stopped it before things got rough, we both exited as if we had ridden a mediocre roller coaster, remarkably un-phased. I bet there are some of you out there who were willing to accept what I just said about the unimportance of it up until you almost by reflex realized how much I had written about something I described as unremarkable which is admittedly suspicious. My reason for this is that it theoretically should have mattered, not only was it my first "college relationship" it also ended a 2 year streak of being single. My expectations were obviously too high but for reference what I expected was pretty similar to the best end of a "streak" I've ever had. I was with Matt and Nathan in St. Louis to see Boston/Styx. As an aside Boston has a disappointing female bass player, disappointing not in categories involving the bass-arts but rather on the "female bass player hotness scale" on which she hits a 4/10. The hottest female bass-user I can think of is the girl from My Bloody Valentine(When she has long hair) or the current touring bassist with Jeff Beck. Letting them be the standard for a 10/10(they're really 9.5's even on their own scale but whatever), having established the reference 10 one can find the constant error which is equal to the difference someone will have between female bassist hotness scale and the general hotness scale, in this case the error is about 2.5. After adjusting for error Boston hits a 1.5 on the hottie bassist scale. It should be noted that the female bass player hotness metric does not factor into the awesome concert scale, is a small constant in the the overall attractiveness scale, and in many cases is inversely proportional on the value as a person scale.
At the time we were at the Science Center and we decided to walk to the zoo, given both the summer heat and the distance between the locations we all ended up incredibly thirsty and fortunately we had decided to pack a cooler filled with ice cold cokes. To this day the best thing I've ever tasted.  The point of this being that I would like to someday have a relationship that is at least as enjoyable as cold soda on a particularly hot day. I have no reason to not expect this to happen at some point, so the reason I bring this up is that I don't necessarily think that the universe corrects for fairness. For some reason it really bothers me that we have philosophical schools of thought for so many other minor ideas but there are very few writings referencing views on fairness. I feel like the interpretation of fairness or lack there of is central to identifying the differences between similar ideas such as between Athiest-Existentialism and Deist-Existentialism, a clarification that is important to me. All in all things are going well for me including classes for once as demonstrated by this. feels good man. I'll be around somewhere.

We are the music makers- aphex twin