I try and subscribe to the lifestyle of not participating in social networking when I'm in a bad mood or have had a bad day. I don't really feel like doing that tonight though, I think that through writing about it I might get a better feel for why its happening. With that given I completely understand if no-one wants to read past this sentence.
Most people who know me are probably aware that I don't let my life dictate itself, and a product of that is not letting minor negative stuff put me in a negative mood. Today wasn't bad due to any particular event or circumstance, it was suit day, I did well on my retake in math 3000, and I had a good day on the court. It just felt like I was completely disconnected from everything and I don't really know why. I guess it happens every couple of weeks to me, especially during fall/winter, a psychologist would probably call it seasonal affective disorder and probably would agree. The main problem is that when I feel that disconnect I can be surrounded by friends all day like I was today and still feel super lonely and bummed out. This again snowballs and furthers the disconnected feeling because I'm now both feeling mentally numb and out of it but I also feel lonely and shitty. The snowball effect plays a heavy role here. It normally doesn't bother me all that much and I've learned to put up with it. The reason I decided to make note of it today was that its the first time it has happened separately of being actually lonely, and it resulted in me feeling a little bit alien even when I was around people I get along great with. It even affected my workout. There is little that pisses me off more than having every reason to be glowing yet not being able to be due to what my dad would refer to as "head trash". I just wish I had recognized what was happening earlier in the day instead of while I was driving home trying to figure why my day seemed so 'off'. As of right now, 8:19 I am done feeling crappy, I refuse to even feel bad for letting a day go by in a bad mood.
I'm listening to one of my favourite albums "Takk..." by Sigur Rós(check out the link at the bottom), watching last nights House, the new Modern Family, and then I might go to be even though it'll be 10 because why not? Even though today was a hiccup I'm still happy overall with how my life is going. It could be a whole lot better but I feel like its on the right path. Furthermore, it would be a shame to not enjoy every point along that path so that's still the plan.
Sorry again about the wishy washy post tonight but I really do feel like writing about it helped me isolate what exactly I was feeling and then remove it. The post I said was coming yesterday is still coming at some point soon. The overall idea I had is still there but the supporting parts are still shuffling around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr_MJAOyOeU
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