I didn't really give a proper introduction to what I was this to be in my post yesterday and I'd like to do that. I guess my first post is a fairly representative of what 70% of my posts will be on here. It was presented without context because I had been waiting for an idea to compose itself clearly enough to leverage me into writing again and when one did I just went with it. Like all of my first drafts it was done in one sitting with no rewrites or edits, my goal when writing is to document with as much accuracy as possible an unadulterated idea. Because of this another 20% of my writing will probably be exploring and playing with the ideas now that they have been constructed and exist in a concrete form, possibly even renovating in some cases. The typical cycle will probably consist of a couple of the "70%" posts a week and then depending on if I find what I wrote interesting enough to look at again I will post a "20%" companion post a week or two later. The main goal I had in creating this was to have a place to document my thoughts, ideas, and feelings in a medium that isn't as 2nd century as a journal. Hopefully things work out and this ends up being not only readable but also enjoyable for others.
The other 10% will be things like this: out of context updates, links, or whatever else I happen to want to share without the assistance of facebook.
Today I got my first math 3000 test back, 15/30. The score itself doesn't bother me, I've never gotten adequate grades and I don't really know why. Point is, I'm over it and grades don't get to me anymore. What bothers me is that I apparently don't understand this material as well as I thought I did. It's an identical feeling to someone figuring out they pronounce espresso incorrectly. I just wish that the concepts I got wrong had been clarified for me far before today, I feel very discombobulated. I knew why I got a 75/100 on my first accounting class, I have been to the class twice. I almost got a question wrong on the cover sheet because I didn't even know my T.A.'s name. However, I don't even know if I've missed two lectures in 3000. This discrepancy should illustrate both how fucking difficult pure math is and how frustrated I am. I am still really glad I try as hard as I do in 3000 though, it feels good to have something to care about and devote time to but much like a bad breakup it sucks when all that effort results in you only feeling stupid and empty in the end. All things must pass though, and now I'm on the rebound. I'm trying to score this new hottie that I will henceforth refer to as "an A on my mathstats test".
EDIT:Since this is a "10%" I can make all the edits I want and not violate my core premise. I just wanted to clarify that I fucking love math 3000. I love every second I am in the class, I love the lectures, the homework, and even the tests. The existence of this class was one of the biggest academic factors in me coming to mizzou. It is a topics class the has a crazy-wide scope but isn't bullshit like most topics classes. Today in the middle of a discussion on combinatorics we accidentally proved multiplication, I wouldn't get to do that anywhere else. I also got to take it in the perfect semester, my favourite prof. at mizzou Carlo Morpurgo is no longer teaching it after this semester, he is instead teaching both abstract algebra and advanced calculus. I along with most of my 3000 class will be enrolled in both classes. What more could I ask for really?
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